Melonie Schmiede is a final-year PharmD candidate at the Union University College of Pharmacy.
It is 6:00 am the morning of my first-ever pharmacology final in pharmacy school. Most people in my class are up early cramming for the test or getting their final hours of sleep before taking our final. I, however, am lying in an MRI machine feeling antsy, waiting for the scans to be over. The persistent humming of the machine and the radiology technician reminding me to stay still only intensified my anxiety.
I was there because during the winter break of my first year at the Union University College of Pharmacy, I was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis (AS), and I went through all the stages of grief to process my diagnosis.
Going through the stages
The denial stage was instantaneous. When my rheumatologist told me my diagnosis, the first words out of my mouth were, “I don’t think I have AS.” As if I knew better than the physician who had been treating this disease his entire career. Then came anger. I vented to anyone who would listen. I was so frustrated. With the adverse effects of my new medications. With the cost of medical procedures. With the pain I was feeling. Finally having a name for the pain I had been experiencing for years made me hyperaware and intensified the pain.
Bargaining and depression happened at the same time for me. I wanted things to go back to the way they were “before I was sick.” As a student pharmacist, I know how important it is to not stop your medications without speaking with your physician beforehand; however, I did it anyway and learned the hard way. It was the first time I had to seek professional help for my mental health that led me to the final stage of acceptance.
A bumpy journey full of lessons
Going into pharmacy school, I never expected my journey to go the way it did. I expected my journey to follow a straight line. I would start at one point and head straight until I got to graduation. That was not the case. My journey has been curvy and bumpy. But each of these curves and bumps has been valuable lessons that I believe have made me a better health care professional.
I have learned that there are multiple emotions that patients go through to process diagnoses. This has helped me better sympathize with my patients. When one of my patient’s became upset about having to start Repatha for her cholesterol, I was able to share my experience of starting injectable medications, and how I found the best way to administer them to myself. I learned how frustrating it was to wait for a decision on a prior authorization (PA) and the frustration that comes with receiving a PA denial.
Although this diagnosis has made my journey more difficult than expected, it taught me something that pharmacy school can’t: how to be a patient. This has helped me be a better support for my patients, which has allowed me to feel more fulfilled in my career.